Batman and Joker: Frenemies
by Gonebatty32
Summary: This story examines the complex relationship between Batman and Joker as they drink and reflect together on life.


Joker looked at the clock on the wall and sighed. 6 pm, not nearly dark enough for the bats to come out and play. He thought a minute. Suppose he were to...no, too much trouble. He was feeling bored and listless, and Harley wasn't being much help, either.

"Hiya puddin'," Harley said, rubbing the Joker's shoulders. "Why the grumpy face? Maybe I could-"

"Enough Harley," Joker shouted, raising hand to her face in warning.

"What's all the-" Harley started. "Oh I get it, you miss the bats, don't you?"

"What me?" Joker asked. "I hate the bats, I despise him!"

"Then what's this?" She asked, dropping a heavy book on the table. She flipped through it, revealing picture after picture of Joker and the Batman together, along with news clippings about their escapades.

"Yes you're right," Joker said. He sighed and walked slowly to the window to look out at the setting sun. "Him and I are like water and oil, and yet as beautiful as fire and gas! Oh, batsy, if I could just sit you down for a few drinks with you, i-"

Joker paused.

"What is it puddin'?" Harley Quinn asked a little worriedly.

"Well that's just it," Joker said. "I do have the man's number. He's offered to help and he gave me his personal number right here." Joker pulled a laminated card out of his purple suit's pocket. On it was written, Batphone, emergencies only!

He dialed and was frustrated when he heard Batman's answering message.

"This is the Batman," it said in a gravely voice. "I can't reach you right now because I am Batman! If this is an emergency call 911, or my alter ego Bru- Batman, no!" This was followed by a struggling sound then a beep!

"Er, hiya, bats," Joker started off uneasily. "This is-"

Joker heard the sound of a click as Batman picked up on the other line.

"Joker!" Batman exclaimed in his rough, gravely voice. "Why are you calling me?"

"I uh," Joker stumbled. "I just wondered if you wanted to get a couple of brewskies with you before tonight's, ah, ahem. festivities begin."

There was a long pause on the end as Batman carefully deliberated on what to say.

"Brewskies?" Batman asked. "With you? What are you up to this time, Joker?"

"Oh nothing at all," Joker said. "Just in need of a bit of company."

"Well its just a bit unusual Joker," Batman answered. "I mean, we aren't exactly friends."

"Who said anything about being friends?" Joker asked. "I just thought it might provide us both a kind of...needed reprieve from our tireless duties. Me blowing up Gotham, you stopping me, over and over etcetera etcetera ad nauseum. Come on Batman, Its just a couple of brewskies with an old um...frenemy."

Silence on the other end for minutes. Finally Batman on the other end. "The Dark Knight Bar on Jefferson and 7th at 8 o clock," Batman said. "Don't be late."

"Great!" Joker exclaimed. "I'll just-"

Batman hung up the phone before Joker could finish his next sentence.

"Oh well," Joker said. "He never was one for words after all!"

Joker left at 720, and arrived at 735. He wore his dark brown overcoat and hat in an attempt to not make too much of a scene. He played cards to pass the time. At 8 o clock sharp, a casual batman, as far as batman goes, arrived inside. Joker waved him over to his table.

"Hello batsy," Joker said when Batman sat down. "I'm so glad that you came! I-"

"What's this about Joker?" Batman asked. "You know we are not friends!"

"Oh Batman," Joker said. "Can't we just tonight-"

"No!" Batman yelled as he knocked the table over. A few people ran out of the bar at this violent show of force.

"Can't we just forget-" Joker began.

Batman picked Joker up by the collar and breathed down his neck. "What about Barbara?" Batman growled. "How do you propose I go about forgetting something like that?"

"Batman she fell down the stairs," Joker said. "I didn't shoot her, that was in the comics! I even helped you take her to the hospital! Don't be getting your stories mixed up with fiction!"

Batman put him slowly down, and Joker brushed himself off.

"Sorry Joker," Batman said, "Its just that I've been a little high strung lately."

"Well I should say so," Joker said, lighting up a humorously large cigar. "See, the problem is, Bats, that you take yourself too seriously. You never let yourself have any fun!" The Joker leaned back in his chair, reflecting.

"That and nobody likes you," The Joker added after a brief reverie.

Batman crossed his arms and let out a low growl.

"And that attitude of yours certainly isn't helping any," The Joker said. "You see, you got to start seeing the humor in things! I had a dear Uncle Fred, very dear to me."

Batman got up. "I'm leaving now," he said.

"Now hold on," Joker said. "At least let me finish my story." Batman sat down with a sigh.

"Now, about dear old Uncle Fred. He was getting on in years, and he suffered a massive stroke and admitted to the hospital. Well one day, this Catholic Priest goes into his room, and starts preaching a sermon. Well, the Father could tell that his words were really getting to dear old Fred, cause he looked really choked up. About halfway through, my uncle hands a message to the priest, and the priest puts the note in his front pocket, maybe use it in his eulogy or something." The Joker paused here to take a few more puffs on his cigar. "So anyways, the priest ends his sermon and dear old uncle Fred...drops dead! Well, the priest goes to a church for solace, and as he's there, he decides to read the note. Maybe find some words of comfort. He opens it up and reads, 'Please, you're standing on my air tube.'"

Batman and Joker both sat there for a moment, Batman still as cold an unmoving as a statue. A smile formed on his lips, and even the cowl couldn't hide the emotions in Batman's eyes. He let out a slight giggle, which turned Into laughter, which turned into roars of laughter. Tears could be seen coming out of Batman's eyes beneath his mask.

The next hour was filled with laughter, drinking and story swapping. At last Joker looked at his watch.

"Well Batsy," The Joker said. "Its been fun, but I have an appointment with the bank to...make a very large withdrawal."

"And I'll be there to stop you," Batman growled.

"One more round?" Joker asked. "For old time's sake.

Batman debated and gave Joker his glass. " Fill 'er up," Batman said.

Joker filled both shot glasses with Jack.

"To us," Joker said. "And the never ending game of life, wealth, and the pursuit of madness!"

"I'll drink to that," Batman said, downing his glass.

Joker made a sour face after his round.

"Oh my," Joker said. "Delightful stuff, eh, batsy?"

"Puts some hair on your chest," Batman said.

The two men, nay gods of a modern era, got up to leave.

"So Batsy," Joker said. "Tomorrow night? Same bat time, same bat place?"

"I'd like that," Batman said before vanishing into the night, becoming the darkness.

Joker sat there, pouring himself another drink and musing on the singularity of the scene. He laughed to himself and wondered when the laxative he snuck in Batfreak's drink would kick in.

As Batman felt his stomach cramp up, he laughed to himself. He quietly wondered when the sleeping meds he snuck in Joker's drink would kick in. 


End file.
